Friday, August 21, 2009

Little by little

I´m forgetting your smile
I´m forgetting your hugs
I´m forgetting how was to be in your arms
I´m forgetting the last time you hold my hand
I´m forgetting the color of your eyes
I´m forgetting how it felt to kiss you...

Little by little... you hurt me...

And now, I´m not telling you that I love you...

But I don´t want to forget that I do.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Very early this morning

I woke up this morning, and I felt like talking... so, here I am, talking to you Father God.

I wonder why sometimes you wake me up so early, but in the end I know that you wanted me to talk with you. You´re great, because you knew I was not going to do anything more besides seeking you, and somehow you know I´m carrying some things in my heart.

Father God, I have a lot of praises, I just can´t help it, I´ve been so blessed by you, I´m so happy that you´ve been so good to me. You´ve gave me a great family and friends back in El Salvador, and you´ve gave me great friends back in St. Louis. I´m thankful that you trust me and now I´m with a new host family that needs you so much, please keep helping me to show your love through me. So far they all know in my heart that you´re the most important thing for me, but they still don´t understand why or how is that possible, help me please in this, I know it will take baby steps, so give me patience to know the right way to go.

Today is the big day for Jeff, he is moving to his new apartment, God I pray you´ll help him. Give him strength to carry his stuff, help him get through everything this morning. Thank you for blessing him with great friends to help him to move. He is very special to me, I pray that you will also help us to find more about ourselves through this time, thank you for the things you´ve provided to help us to understand each other the best way. I pray that you will bless us with patience, compassion and love.

God, you know that I have the desire to start working in my own projects very soon, but I want you to be part of them, I want to show your love through the things I do, because I praise you in so many ways, that I want to show it too in the creativity you´ve gave me. I just pray you´ll provide everything I need in this, because it will be my gift to you.

Thank you God again for waking me up this morning... thank you for the sunrise.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Do you Remember?

Memories live in our hearts, only if you look back to make them last forever.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

My little adventure at the retirement community

So, everyday we have two options, to get up and have a great day because you want to, or maybe not to have a great day because you didn´t even plan it in your head... Come on! let´s start a day with a positive mind!

Today is Sunday, and so far it´s been good for me. But here is my Sunday morning story.

I woke up and have to admit I was having a hard time in my head because things are not happening the way I wanted to. But still, I started my day starting my computer and checking my e-mail, and I got this video in my inbox from one of my friends.

After watching this video, I thought that this was going to be a great day... because I wanted to have a day with good times only.

I had breakfast, and afterwords I was getting ready to go to church with my host mom´s grandparents. This was a whole new experience, because I´ve never been to a Methodist Church. So, we were on our way to church at 10:30 actually, I posted on Facebook at 9am early this morning by mistake, but it took us 30 min to get to church because we got lost. It was a 10 mile drive but good thing we got lost though, now I know how the entire Greenville downtown looks like.

Talking about the church, let me say it was nice, they have different rituals, and the preacher took close to 20 min to finish. That was fast, I know.

At the end of the service I helped grandma to get to the car because she loses her balance easily. By the way I noticed that when we were taking the communion and she lost her balance over the Reverend. Don´t worry! he got her and she made this funny joke about telling him -Don´t worry Reverend, I´m not drunk-

After getting in the car grandma and grandpa decided to take me to their retirement community to have lunch. On the way they asked me what church I used to go in St. Louis, and in El Salvador. We talked a lot of different kind of things, but I think the best topic was "what did you get spankings for when you were young?", that was a good one.

Finally, we got to retirement community, and we went into this tall building were the restaurant is located.

Everybody there was old, I expected that of course, but what I didn´t was the yummy food I was about to have. Grandma said, everything here is delicious, and -you need to check this out- I asked what? she said... -There is a handsome waiter here, we all like him-.

We got our food from the buffet, and as we were talking, this famous waiter showed up. Grandma sight him so quickly, and drank all her water at once with no breathing, and saying out loud called: -John! could you please give me some lemonade?-, and he said Yes ma´m, with a smile.

I must say, that waiter was really handsome, just like she said.

John came back to the table with grandma´s lemonade, she blinked at me and whispered -I did it so you could take a better look-... oh my gosh! I was laughing and having so much fun, I don´t even remember how many times she used a silly excuse just to get him to the table. Grandma had the most amazing tricks to get his attention, but the best one, was the one with the banana pudding, I´ll keep it to myself though ;)

I learned a huge lesson today, having fun it´s up to me to make it happen, and I might not see this waiter again, or anybody at that retirement community, but I will always remember that everywhere I go, I can have fun, just because is great ;)

Oh by the way, grandpa doesn´t hear well, so he missed the whole thing! (^^) hehehe

Saturday, August 1, 2009

You have no idea

It´s been a week without everybody I want in my life now, it´s been hard.

Being away makes inevitable the fact that I´m more independent. It also makes me feel your selfishness because you call me whenever you want to, or no calls if you don´t feel like it.

I have a question for you, do you think is easy being apart from your family, your friends, and also the one you love? well, I hope one day you feel that way when you move to your new place, ALONE. You´ll wish that someone would call on the phone just to check in or ask if you need to talk. Because that´s how I feel, and the saddest part: I can´t feel your support in this hard time for me, maybe I don´t need you, maybe this was meant to be like this... who knows.

I´m becoming stronger, I´m not crying anymore. I´m still missing you though. But I´m wondering why do I miss you, what do I miss from you, if you´ve became a different person for me, someone who´s not even sure about what to feel for me... I haven´t even heard a decent and truly -I love you- from you.

It makes me feel upset how easily I lost you.

I feel cold. I´m changing day-by-day and I don´t like what I see in the mirror. No smile, no sadness, no happiness... thanks to you I´m killing all feelings in my heart. Funny thing, I´m not thankful about it.